As a school Awtrey chose to make respect the focus of PBIS Our challenge to staff and students alike is to empower everyone to be the best version of themselves. To do that we must respect self, respect others, and respect property. To help students do that adults must lead the way. The old adage more is caught than taught comes to mind. Tim Elmore provides practical reminders to help is do that.
Five Ways to Manage Disrespect from Students Today
By Tim Elmore
During the 2017-2018 school year, more educators asked me
for ideas about managing disrespectful students than any year in my memory. One
teacher told me a student in her class was slouching and drifting off to sleep.
She walked over to him and requested he sit up straight and pay attention. This
17-year-old high schooler replied, “Make me.” (This sounds like a middle school
student from the 1970s to me.) She said,
“I am not going to make you do anything, but I am asking you to sit up in my
classroom and engage with the discussion.”
He retorted sarcastically, “You don’t get it. I can’t. You put me to
sleep.” When she responded that if he
did not sit up, she would send him to the Assistant Principal’s office, “He
spiraled into a flurry of four-letter words, calling her names, cussing like a
sailor.” I wish I could tell you this was an isolated incident,
but it happens too many times in American education today. But why?
Three Reasons for the Rise in Disrespect
Among Students
Certainly, not all students are disrespectful. Many are
raised well by parents who teach them respect. Why, however, are a growing
percentage of kids acting this way?
1. Unlike past
generations, kids today are not conditioned to respect elders.
Visit China or other Asian cultures, and you notice
people are conditioned to respect their elders. We do quite the opposite. Our
culture today worships being young and prioritizes youthfulness in our looks,
words and actions. Even older adults attempt to look younger with skinny jeans,
cosmetic work, hair color, piercings or tattoos. The message this sends is not
that aging is something to embrace, cherish and respect, but it’s something to
avoid. In fact, many often make fun of the aging and show less respect than in
past generations.
2. Kids feel empowered
by their exposure to information.
Today’s kids are part of the first generation that has as
much access to information as their parents and teachers. They can easily
assume they know as much as adults do. While this is usually not true, they
feel less of a need for older adults to inform them, (thanks to Buzzfeed) or to
instruct them, (thanks to YouTube). Let’s face it—they are the most informed
youth generation in modern history. This provides them the feeling of
empowerment and even entitlement because they know so much about so many
things. Some can ask: why show anyone extra respect if you are as smart as they
are?
3. Kids don’t see
respect modeled or earned by older generations.
Probably the most glaring reason for students’ disrespect
is that older generations have failed to model it for them. Both Baby Boomers
and Gen Xers were generations that rebelled against the establishment as youth.
As adults, they now advocate for their kids and can show disrespect for
teachers, coaches, administrators and other authorities. I know. I’ve met them
in almost every state I’ve visited. I’ve met employers who say they have
parents who lobby for raises or vacation time for their adult children who are
now full-time staff members. It’s almost unbelievable. How can we expect
anything more from children who watch their parents act this way toward
authority?
Managing Disrespect From Students
1. Begin by living
a life that’s worthy of respect.
Even though I believe respect should always be shown,
many students believe we must earn it. We can’t get it merely by being older.
One teen said, “Even fools grow old.” So, before I demand respect, I try to
conduct myself in such a way that adds value to others, and thereby deserves
their respect.
2. Ask questions
and be kind.
Display that you are interested in them, and that they
have dignity in your eyes. Even when you make demands, try to ask rather than
tell. Request instead of require. It’s hard for another person—even teens—to
“dis” someone who genuinely shows them they love them. What’s that phrase? Kill
them with kindness.
3. Don’t raise
your voice unnecessarily.
Unless there is a safety issue, adults would never raise
their voice or yell at another adult who is a colleague. So, why do we do it
with our young? Yelling or shouting is often the first step to creating a
culture of disrespect; it is almost as if we’re saying: “What we lack on value
or mutual respect—we make up for in volume.”
4. Take initiative
in meeting with them.
I’ve discovered that when I observe a disrespectful
student, my best approach is to initiate a meeting with them, one on one.
Relationship can dissolve distrust or dislike. The very person I am prone to
avoid, I need to approach and invest time cultivating a relationship with them.
5. Demonstrate
respect before you expect it to be reciprocated.
Leaders go first. They know that people do what people
see. Before you ever demand respect from students, look in the mirror and ask
yourself: “Have I modeled it for them?” People tend to mirror strong leadership
over time—good or bad. Make your strength your display of respect and see if
that doesn’t draw a reflection from them.
* Originally posted on the Growing Leaders blog by Tim
Elmore on 10/11/18
